On the Road: Ask the Question Why

On the Road: Ask the Question Why

At some point, maybe after the hundredth time I saw a cancer patient awake on a respirator, and in so much pain that all they could do is blink their eyes ‘yes’ and ‘no’ and cry, or maybe it was the 30^th time I was in the intensive care ward and stood with a family as we listened to a heartbeat countdown to zero after life support was disconnected, I knew that I'd be sent on a journey.  Usually, when I’d leave their room and say good-bye to the friend or family member, I would get in my car and start the drive home with this haunting feeling.  It was like a voice and say, “This isn’t over.”  It's easy for people to forget the plight of cancer patients who’ve died.  I’m sorry to say that because from what I’ve seen the pain of seeing someone suffer from the disease is very stressful and because remembering this experience by family or loved one’s is so painful, it’s temporarily forgotten.  This is a defense mechanism the mind uses to protect itself.  Because I’ve seen so much suffering and death this mechanism doesn’t work on me so I remember their faces and if they could speak, their words.  I figured that since God put me in this position, it was my job to not forget.  Don't get me wrong; I'm not very religious, but there's no way anyone could convince me that God doesn't exist because I’ve seen to many ‘unexplainable’ things make sense.  From what I understand, and based on my many experiences with cancer over the last 47 years, all I have to do is keep moving forward in order to really know why I’ve been chosen to do what I do.  Much of it I already know about, but there’s still a lot more that’s happened; I don’t have a clue as to why it happened.  I don't really look at what is happening in my life right now as problems I’m having.  The whole experience is more like bumps in the road, which most people, except for me find “life altering.”  The idea is to stay on the road despite the bumps and just be careful not to run off it into a ditch.